a real soundtrack for an imaginary spy film


Copyright © 2002 - 2006 Arthur Jarvinen

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Suggested Procedure: READ FIRST, then CLICK HERE TO LISTEN. Or, listen first if you like, but in either case take Frank Zappa's advice and "Do not read & listen at the same time".

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The Inevitably Exploding Island explodes (duh!), causing a humongous wave of tsunami proportions.

The Invisible Guy escapes by grabbing an exact replica of a Vox Phantom 12 string electric guitar – only one of the many indistinguishable-from-the-original knock-offs to emerge from The Diabolical Factory And Outlet Store -and surfing on it to safety while whipping out some exceptionally cool surf riffs with his toes.


Meanwhile, Mojo Stang attempts to reach his mini-sub moored in the escape tunnel in the bowels of his Elaborate And Extravagantly Equipped Criminal Research Facility and Activity Center (usually referred to simply as EaEECRFaAC for convenience), but due to the electrical shorts caused by the explosions his private elevator malfunctions and he becomes the final victim of his own custom-made execution device (not unlike, as you will no doubt recall, the Commandant in Franz Kafka's In the Penal Colony, except that Mojo Stang's elevator can't write).

A little while later, on the beach:

        “Hey Skeeter, look what washed up on shore. It must have come from that exploding island.
        You know what they say man; finders keepers!".

        "Why, that’s a Vox Phantom 12 string, my friend. Shitty guitar, but very cool just the same.
        Yeah; losers weepers."


Claude, overhearing from his spot in the sun only a short distance away, speculates on the potential future value of even such a mediocre - though admittedly stylish for its time – instrument in the collectors market, as he prepares to pop the lid of a Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray after setting aside in disappointment a borrowed copy of The Tube Amp Book, which as far as he can tell is mostly an ad for the author's real product, and not nearly as informative as it ought to be.

What's in Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray?

Carbonated water
High fructose corn syrup
Citric acid
Extract of celery seed
Natural flavors
Sodium benzoate
Caramel color

What are the pin-outs on a 12AX7?

1 = a"
2 = g"
3 = k"
4 = h
5 = h
6 = a
7 = g
8 = k
9 = H tap

Photo of wave, above, from the Irish surfing pictures page of the Power Source Surfboards website, uncredited.

The 12AX7 is one of the most popular tubes in guitar amplifier circuits generally, and is responsible for a lot of what we like about Fender amps in particular.

Frank Zappa's admonition quoted throughout these pages is from his liner notes to The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny, on We're Only In It For the Money, which was inspired by Franz Kafka's short story In the Penal Colony. And speaking of Kafka-esque - how would you explain it?

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